


state of grace.

by AnxiousCupcake



Series: half-baked unrelated plot kitties [6]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Aged Up, Alternate Universe, Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Hurt Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Not Beta Read, Post-Reveal Pre-Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, SUPER BRIEF stints with random OCs that don't really matter too much, adrien is not having it ksfjks, they both needed hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousCupcake/pseuds/AnxiousCupcake
Summary: “You said you wanted me to move on,” he stated, tone completely neutral, his gaze fixed to the view outside.“I did. I don’t have to watch you do it though, do I?”“You said you didn’t love me anymore,” he said quietly.“I- I- I lied."“Why’d you lie to me?” he asked, voice cracking just a little. “We decided no more secrets when we dropped the masks.”(Or in which Marinette can't bear to watch Adrien trying to move on even though she told him to and Adrien has had it with her stubbornness.)
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Series: half-baked unrelated plot kitties [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980556
Comments: 13
Kudos: 193





	state of grace.

**Author's Note:**

> i frankly don't know what this is. it was SUPPOSEd to be a drabble, but here we are... i practically word vomitted on google docs and proceeded to publish this. there's bound to be loopholes. anyway...

_This is a state of grace  
This is the worthwhile fight  
Love is a ruthless game_   
_Unless you play it good and right  
  
_

* * *

She knew what she had said. She remembered telling him how she thought they were a bad idea, and the hurt look on his face as he asked her if she didn’t love him. She thought it would hurt a little less if she lied, but maybe she was lying to herself anyway because the moment she lied about how she had moved on from him, she had regretted it. A part of her wondered if he had even believed her because she remembered how he’d opened his mouth to say something, but had pursed his lips instead, and walked away with a shake of his head.

It hadn’t been the same ever since. He avoided being alone with her, but she supposed she couldn’t fault him for that because so did she. Whatever she had done in the name of saving their partnership - and this world, if the futures she had seen when she was 14 and 17 respectively, was anything to go by - was clearly not working and she honestly didn’t know how to move forward at this point. She felt stupid for not anticipating this, but she felt maybe this was still a better price to pay than watching her partner with icy blue eyes for the third time.

But lately he had been talking to her a little more than usual, his previously established reserve was gone. She’d thought… She didn’t know what she had thought, but maybe what she _should_ have thought was that it meant he was moving on from her. 

_She_ had done this to them, so it wasn’t fair for her to feel the way she was feeling now as she kept her eyes glued to him with morbid curiosity. She watched as he grinned at that girl she didn’t know, as he took her hand in his and pressed his lips to her knuckles, and the way he laughed when the girl flushed red, looking flustered.

She couldn’t look away. In some ways, a twisted part of her wanted to watch all of it unfold so that maybe she would get the really hard push she apparently needed to get over him. Her one hand was wrapped around her middle, the other curled gently around her throat as she watched with bated breath. The girl’s fingers had wrapped around his, still holding hers, she noted with bitter fascination, and she saw her pull him towards her. 

She felt the whimper that left her against the flat of her palm, just as Adrien suddenly looked up. Their gazes locked, and his smile faltered as she gave him what she hoped was a sincere smile, before she turned on her heel and tried her best to disappear into the crowd, weaving through it as she moved across the dance floor and straight to the bar.

By the time she was on her fourth drink, she was trying to squash the feeling of disappointment that he hadn’t even tried to find her - _god_ , it was a night of her being a hypocrite, she hated it - when she felt someone sidle up next to her. 

“You here alone?”

The voice was deep, gravelly and completely unfamiliar. 

She pasted on a smile, and swung around to look at the guy next to her. Ink black hair, brown eyes, a rugged stubble and a burly build. Everything Adrien was not.

“Yes. Yes, I am,” she purred.

The man’s eyes twinkled and he leaned forward with a grin. “What would the lady like?’

“You want to hear the truth?” she asked, leaning forward a little, a bitter smirk tugging at her lips. 

“Always.”

“At this moment, I would like nothing more than to forget.”

She watched dumbly as the man hesitantly took her hand from where it was resting on the bar counter. Hand still in his, he stood up, tugging her gently so she got to her feet as well. He was almost two heads taller than her. She looked up at him wide-eyed as he leaned down to whisper in her ear, “I think I can help with that, little lady.”

She let him guide her to a less crowded area of the club and she found herself against a wall, locked in by the man. She felt his lips graze the sensitive spot behind her ear and she shuddered as her eyes fluttered shut. 

In her mind’s eye, she imagined it was a head of golden hair tucked into the crook of her neck, and peppering kisses down her jawline. 

Her head fell against the wall behind her as she felt rough hands cup the back of her neck for more access. Her fingers wound into soft blon- _black_ hair as she felt chapped lips leave her throat and press a kiss to the corner of her lips, at the same time that his thumb grazed the area below her breast.

“ _Adrien_ ,” she sighed, her grip in his hair tightening. 

All movement ceased. “Who the hell is that?”

Marinette’s eyes fluttered open, and well, reality was really a bitch wasn’t it. She gave the man a bitter, yet apologetic smile. 

“Who I’m trying to forget,” she said ruefully. 

The man gazed down at her with eyebrows raised, before he leaned down again, nudging her jaw gently with his nose as he sucked on her neck. She gasped, and leaned back further into the wall.

“The name’s Anton,” he said against her skin. “Is he here, your Adrien?”

Marinette swallowed thickly, but apparently that was enough of an answer because the man chuckled throatily as leaned in to kiss her lips.

“He is actually,” came an icy voice from behind him, and Marinette wished she could disappear from this moment right now because this was not what she had in mind when she had wanted to forget.

Anton straightened and turned, now his back to Marinette. She took in Adrien’s stoic expression, wide eyed over Anton’s shoulder she could barely just reach. He wasn’t looking at her though, eyes fixed on Anton.

“This the Adrien you were trying to forget, my lady?”

Adrien’s eyes darkened. “Don’t call her that.”

“Adrien,” sighed Marinette softly. “I… He…”

“Step away from her, sir,” said Adrien, still not looking at Marinette.

“Adrien,” said Marinette louder this time, voice still a little shaky. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t think the lady minds,” sneered Anton.

“M’lady,” said Adrien slowly, his gaze flickering over to Marinette. “You’re drunk.”

“I am aware, kitty cat,” she snorted. “I can assure you it was on purpose.”

“Want me to get rid of him for ya?” asked Anton, looking over his shoulder down at her. 

Before Marinette could say anything, Adrien spoke. “See yourself out, please, sir.” It physically hurt him to say _'Please'._

“I wasn’t talking to _you_ , pretty boy,” snorted Anton, before turning around completely, his back to Adrien as he peered down at Marinette questioningly. 

“I- I need to….” stuttered Marinette, and Anton let out a deep sigh. 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” he said, waving his hands. He fished out a tissue paper, and fumbled around in his pockets, before finally finding a pen. “Call me, yeah? I had a good time,” he said, scribbling his number awkwardly on it, ignoring Adrien’s quickly waning patience.

Marinette took the tissue and stared at the numbers, already oblivious to Anton walking out of the room. She didn’t look up till she felt Adrien’s hand wrapping around her arm.

“Let's get you home, Nette,” he sighed. 

It was only when she felt the cold air outside prick her skin that her focus trained back completely to the present. Adrien’s arm was linked through hers, and he looked like he was deep in thought. 

Marinette stopped walking and carefully extricated her arm from Adrien’s. “I’ll go back home myself, Adrien. Thank you.”

“I can’t let you walk back alone.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” snapped Marinette, wincing when she saw the hurt on his face. “Sorry. It’s been a long evening. Adrien, please go back inside. I’m sure your lady is in there waiting for you.”

She tried really hard not to sound bitter. 

“Well, m’lady is actually a little drunk and I need to make sure she’s home safely,” he countered, a little frustration seeping into his voice.

Marinette snorted. “I don’t think your lady will be happy to hear you call someone else your lady, kitty cat.”

“Marinette…”

“Adrie, please, just… Go back inside.”

“I can’t just leave you by yourself.”

“You can. And you should. She’s waiting for you, I’m sure.”

“Come back in with me, at least,” he pleaded.

“I… Can’t.”

“ _Can’t_ or _won’t_?” asked Adrien. “Nette, why are you being so difficult!” 

“I-I’m not-” she sputtered, as tears gathered in her eyes. Groaning in frustration, she pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes, sniffling lightly. “Let me just go home, Adrien.”

“Not like this,” he said indignantly. “M’lady, it’s getting cold outside and it’s just not safe. Let me take you home, or please just come back in with me. We can just-”

“I’m _not_ your lady,” muttered Marinette, ignoring the way she could feel his anger spike just a little bit. “Go back inside to yours, Adrien. I’ll be fine.”

“ _Who_ in the hell are you talking about?” asked Adrien frustrated, as he turned her to face him directly. 

“I- I saw you with that girl,” Marinette sighed. “And it’s fine. _Everything_ is _just_ fine. It’s okay. I’m fine. We’re _all_ just… _fine._ ”

Adrien pursed his lips and stared at the woman in front of him, her eyes rimmed red and eyes glassy with tears. That godforsaken tissue still scrunched up in her hand, and it took everything in him not to rip it out of her hands.

He had so much he had wanted to ask her, and he really wanted to wait till she was sober and not looking this fragile. But his lady was stubborn, and well if this conversation had to be had now, it’ll have to be had now. 

“Are you going to call that guy?” he asked, nodding his head at her hands.

She blinked at the paper in surprise, as if just realising she was holding onto it. “Oh. Anton.”

“Yeah. _Anton,_ " he said, the name coming out almost mockingly.

“He said he would… I- Well…”

“That he’d make you forget?” asked Adrien quietly, stepping closer to her, but she stepped back with a wince, putting distance between them. Distance he was frankly getting tired of. "Why do you want to forget me so badly?" 

Her complexion went ashen, and he realised she didn't know how much he had heard. But he'd heard all of it. He hadn't intended to follow or even _watch_ but he supposed he was a glutton for punishment. Besides, the sorry excuse of a smile she'd thrown him when he was with that girl who used to model with as a kid, had created a knot of tension in his chest. He could tell the girl was miffed, and the _last_ thing he should be doing when he was trying to move on from her was to follow her, but he tried anyway. It had taken him a while to find her through the crowd but when he finally did find her, he didn't think he'd be able to get the image of that man tucked in the crook of her neck with her head thrown back against the wall out of his head anytime soon. And definitely not the way she had said _his_ name.

“It’s none of your concern, Adrien,” she said at last. Her eyes were on the floor and she refused to look at him. “I should be getting home. I’m so, so tired.”

The sky lit up with a crackle of lightning, and just like that it started to drizzle. A gale of wind blew down the street, making Marinette shiver as she realised she didn’t even have a coat on her. This day was only getting worse, she noted. 

“Now I definitely can’t let you walk home alone,” he sighed. “Come on inside, Nette,” he said, curling his hand around her as he pulled her back in the direction of the club.

Her heart raced at the warmth of his fingers around hers, but as Adrien shot an anxious glance towards the club barely a meter away, she wrenched her hand out of his, making him whip around to look at her with barely veiled frustration.

“ _No_ ,” she said, shaking slightly. “I _have_ to go home. I… I can’t. I can’t watch. And…” she trailed away, shaking her head. “Good night, Adrien,” she whispered, and turned on her heel and started to walk away. 

She didn’t hear Adrien move for a few seconds, but she did hear him curse before she was startled by him running up next to her and stopping right in front of her. He looked down at her defiantly, lips pursed for a moment before he bent down to grab her around the thighs and threw her over his shoulder. 

“Adrien!” she gasped.

“You’re not the only stubborn one of us, m’lady!” he said through gritted teeth as he carried her back inside just as the rain poured harder, and continued to grip her with one hand as he called for his driver.

Setting her carefully inside the car, he sidled up next to her after telling his driver to take him home. To _his_ apartment. 

“No, _Adrien-_ ”

“No, Princess,” he cut her off sharply. Abruptly. “I kept trying to give you a choice, but you kept being stubborn and it’s my turn now.”

When she crossed her arms to glare out of her window, he draped an arm around her shoulder to pull her into his side. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

She tensed, her throat dry because this was exactly the opposite of what she needed to get over him. But she had missed him so much. Missed the comfort and sense of safety he brought with his presence. Deciding to let herself indulge, she sank into his side, head on his shoulder.

Fifteen minutes later found her standing in front of the biggest window in Adrien’s apartment, overlooking the dark horizon. He watched as she ran her fingers through her damp hair, mumbling under her breath. Something about a stupid cat, if he were to guess correctly. She was wearing his T-shirt and Ladybug pajamas, and it was a little like something out of his fantasies. 

_I can’t watch,_ she had said.

Quietly, he walked over with a cup of her favourite hot chocolate, three marshmallows floating on top. She startled when she sensed his presence and looked at the steaming mug with wide eyes before allowing herself for a small smile as she took it from him. 

“Salted caramel,” she blinked in surprise, after she took a whiff of it.

He shrugged. “It’s your favourite. I… Always have stock,” he admitted earnestly.

“You can’t just say things like that,” she muttered behind her cup.

Adrien chose to ignore it, mind replaying the whole night over and over again. He wanted to broach the topic gently, but there was also no telling when he’d get to be with her like this again. 

“You said you wanted me to move on,” he stated, tone completely neutral, his gaze fixed to the view outside.

From the corner of his eye, he saw her deflate as she hid behind her mug. “I did.”

He waited. 

“I don’t have to watch you do it though, do I?”

“You said you didn’t love me anymore,” he said quietly.

“I- I- I lied,” she whispered, feeling a heavy weight lift of her chest. 

“Why’d you lie to me?” he asked, voice cracking just a little. “We decided no more secrets when we dropped the masks.”

“I’m sorry,” she said miserably.

“Marinette, why did you lie?”

“I had to. To keep you safe.”

“I don’t know what you’re _not_ telling me,” he said after a moment of silence, before finally turning to look at her. “But I do know that we’re unsafe _anyway,_ from the moment we put our suits on.” 

“It’s not the same,” she muttered, walking backwards so she could lean against the dining table placed a few feet behind her.

“I _do_ know that I’d rather feel a little unsafe than live everyday,” he continued, like she hadn’t said anything. “Not understanding how you can possibly be willing to hurt us _both_ this way,” he growled.

She flinched, looking away from him, and from her pursed lips, he knew she wouldn’t say anything.

“Marinette,” he sighed, taking a step towards her. “I love you. So, so much. So much that it’s hurting me just looking at you, knowing I can’t have you. And I was ready to live with that, but I _can’t_. Not now. Not knowing that you feel the same way.”

She gave him a pained smile, and he was desperate to claw his way through whatever burden she felt like she had to deal with all by herself.

“We’re partners, aren’t we?” he asked, now standing right in front of her. 

She gave a hesitant nod. He tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, and carefully plucked the mug of hot chocolate out of her hands. Ignoring her puzzled expression, he set the mug on the table and turned his full attention to her. 

“I love you,” he said quietly, leaning down to plant a kiss on her jaw. “I’ll do anything for you, you know.”

“A-Adrien?”

“I hate knowing you’re hurting,” he said against her skin, kissing her ear lobe before his tongue flicked against the side of her throat. “I hate that I’m the reason for it.”

Before she could protest, he rose to kiss her forehead, and then her nose. “Yes, I know there’s more. And I wish you would tell me,” he said quietly.

He hesitated for only a moment before trudging on. “I know some things are out of our hands, Buginette. Only time will tell.”

He pressed a chaste kiss against her lips. 

“Who cares about a future that hasn’t even happened yet? That may not even happen,” he said against her lips. “What we have now is _real_.”

He laced his fingers through hers and brought them up to kiss the tips of her fingers, making sure to look her in the eye. 

“And it feels right,” he finished, pressing another kiss to her lips, leaning in a little more this time and letting his kiss linger longer than before.

Marinette was looking up at him wide-eyed when he drew back, cheeks flushed pink and a silver trail of tears down her cheeks. 

“I love you,” she sniffled. “I’m sorry for being such an idiot. I’m still scared. But I want you, I _need_ you and I want to stop hurting-”

“You have me,” he said softly. “Always.”

“I love you,” she repeated tiredly, as she leaned into him, forehead pressed against his racing heart. 

“I love you, too, m’lady,” he said, kissing the crown of her head. “Let’s get you to bed. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, alright?”

“Okay,” she mumbled, not protesting this time as he picked her up.

“And no more secrets.”

“No more secrets, _minou,"_ she agreed.  
  


* * *

_These are the hands of fate  
You're my Achilles heel  
This is the golden age of something good_   
_And right and real._

**Author's Note:**

> where are plagg and tikki you ask? idk, they're both in a cookie and cheese induced coma in marinette's purse and adrien's pocket respectively. plagg will be very sore about having missed all the drama when he wakes up the next morning.
> 
> ALSO thanks to elle and theladyfae for helping me name Anton, so i need not have called him "the man" throughout.
> 
> my tumblr! - [activechataclysme.](https://activechataclysme.tumblr.com/)


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